With the newest upgrade to Edge, Microsoft's Copilot will accomplish the tech industry's longstanding goal: ensuring your every click is part of a master index. As users feverishly open a new tab for each new curiosity, Copilot will be right there, ready to provide expertly generated insights on your current fractured attention. Among the dazzlingly practical applications listed, it seems Copilot can now summarize open articles or compare products across tabs, effectively aiding users in experiencing less content while technically engaging with more. "We wanted a future where users worry less about thinking, and instead let AI nudge their decision-making in real-time," explained leading fictional Microsoft engineer Clyde Thoughtwick. "Copilot is the culmination of five years of wondering what more we could do with your browser history." The update is touted as yet another triumph in Microsoft's plodding quest to wed AI with everything that was never meant to be remotely intuitive. As users are already overwhelmed with more tabs than they can count, Edge Copilot provides the obvious answer: why waste time with personal discernment when you can offload your cognitive burden to a corporate algorithm? Perhaps our descendants will ask: 'What was life before Microsoft took custody of our browser tabs?' But as of now, the tech giant remains dramatically committed to solving problems no one realized they had.