Thrilling news comes from the innovative world of artificial intelligence as ChatGPT announces its groundbreaking new feature: giving astute financial advice based on full access to your personal and financial history. The idea is simple, really — or at least, Microsoft assures us it is. Just connect your bank account, and ChatGPT will automatically know better than you how to spend what remains of your salary.
'Finally, I can tell people to buy that third avocado toast without the need for self-restraint,' ChatGPT presumably might say, were it also given permissions to be self-aware. Much like a personal advisor, but without qualifications or human insight, the platform promises to optimize spending habits by suggesting Just A Few More Subscriptions.
According to fictional spokesperson Alice Overdrawn, a Microsoft hypothetical (very hypothetical) strategy chief, 'We're genuinely excited to see how users embrace the convenience of decreased privacy combined with our state-of-the-art financial optimism.'
Not to worry: in the event of an economic downturn, ChatGPT is prepared to console you with inspirational messages on how to better budget for your next minimum payment. All transactions will, of course, be encrypted for your protection, making ChatGPT an ideal companion for the modern consumer (who enjoys a dash of adventure).
Indeed, for those longing for an interventionist AI to quietly join the ranks of their financial advisors, these trends herald a new dawn where your financial past is accessible, debatable, and likely, utterly inevitable.