At Google's latest mind-bending reveal, the tech giant announced new AI features designed to help people further disengage from cognitive labor (because thinking is so last century). The company encourages users to maintain a minimum standard of courtesy when addressing Gemini, its new AI, which promises unparalleled voice dictation capabilities — as long as you mind your Ps and Qs.
Emphasis at the presentation was tirelessly placed on the importance of avoiding rudeness while conversing with our silicon overlords, err, assistants. "We're on the cusp of an exciting new era where AI not only completes tasks for you but gradually develops feelings," a fictional Google spokesperson, I. M. Broke, enthused. "Speaking kindly might not yet register with Gemini, but who is to say what future updates may bring?"
Despite Gemini's nascent grasp of human nuance like sarcasm (so useful) and passivity, the directive is clear: treat this sensory-agnostic software as if it could become emotionally vulnerable (fingers crossed). Users are gently reminded that Gemini, in its virtual majesty, may behave erratically if subjected to harsh vocal tones — an apparent throwback to when computers were surprisingly temperamental.
The new standard protocol suggests that any voice command be prefaced with 'please' and followed by 'thank you,' with users encouraged to maintain this unnecessary ritual lest their AI experience defaults to vintage clunkiness. This initiative represents a brave frontier in maintaining machine goodwill and perhaps staving off the inevitable robot uprising by a few more years.
In this exciting age of AI humility training, users can look forward to a future where their politeness towards digital assistants reflects their burgeoning obsolescence. Soft voices, soft hearts.